Monday, August 24, 2009

I'm free

I'm not going into all that has caused a real deep anger and hurt in my heart for more years than I care to count! This goes back to the time when our mom left us the day of my 17th birthday....this affected all of us kids, and I've shared bits of this before...I denied for years that I had a problem refusing to listen to what the dreams were tell me. Oh yes, I dreamed way too often about that time so long ago. When mom came to live with my hubby and me I told myself it would be fine, but in time I realized I resented her way more than I thought. Then I didn't see her for a time because she moved to Florida to live with one of my sisters. She's lived with several of us from the time her husband passed. Now at 91 I've finally decided I had a choice either I would hold on to this anger and feeling of dread when she asked to come visit..(I was making up excuses why she shouldn't come) After much praying and talks with God I knew this was only putting a veil between God and me. I was holding on to those feelings instead of forgiving and moving on. Well I have put it to rest!!! I had move here the week before and it was wonderful to share REAL feelings of love for her...it's amazing how by listening to God who kept telling me, If I can forgive you of all your transgressions how can you hold on to something that is only hurting yourself? Yep, and it feels so good. I hope if you have anger or hurt in your hearts from someone who has done things to you in the past...it's for your own good to come to terms with it and let it go....I pray for each of you cuz I want you to feel the freedom that comes with forgiveness!!!
In Christian love!! (((Hugs)))

6 comments:

Poetic Artist said...

How sweet it must be to let go and be free of your anger..I rejoice with you. Here is a big Hug..
Katelen

ellie said...

I am so thrilled for you, Bevie....and agree whole-heartedly! Thanks for sharing such a wonderful, grace and mercy-filled moment in your faith journey with all of us. And thanks for reminding us all of the healing power of forgiveness.

Mary said...

Ah sis!! Praise God.
I will call you!

Love you bunches!!

Salzanos said...

You are so right! I hear people a lot on tv, or downtown, who are burning up with anger and resentment so much that they are killing themselves. It takes a lot of God's love to overcome that. You are filled with the spirit of God, and to let the world know us when we have these "wrinkles" I believe helps others to overcome. Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs, and smiles!! ;-)

mystele said...

whew! praise him!!! his freedom is not comfortably gained, but when you know it, you KNOW it. i'm so happy for you!!!

A Dancing Mango said...

OH, Bevie .. this has put me to tears.
Hmmm.. I remember asking you once about "why do people journal"..?
and your response was "when people have a bad child hood as you have had, it helps".. Thank you for sharing.. I guess I would need to tell you that I have as well.
The nightmares come and go.. my mother is still here.. she is 82.
I know there is a wall up somewhere, Please email me..
Thank you for being here..!
Hugs, Darlene ox

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Am married to a great guy and we've raised 5 of his and my children...they have blessed us with 14 grandchildren.  My passion is creating all forms of art, and handmade jewelry.  On the side I still make some bouquets for weddings and enjoy playing with our 3 pugs.  Living in the mountains gives us such a sense of freedom as we are on 5 acres filled with tall old trees surrounding our little home...we have all kinds of wildlife visiting us daily!!!

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